Coming to terms

I have some time to kill while The (Brain) Powers That Be upstairs has her way with my cover letter. Maybe a lot of time.

Josie writes today that she doesn't usually play freeroll poker. Can't say as I blame her for a number of reasons. The style of play alone at some levels of buy-in is stupid, and I have a notion stupid can rub off. Therefore, the transition from the free game to an actual cash game might mean that a player is working at a deficit until a time the cash chops get back up to speed. Free games put a whole new spin on the phrase "recreational player."

Still, when that is all that is available, as it is for this fellow who can not justify dropping a hundo into one of the remaining cash sites, let alone lay out the sixty bucks to play in the monthly home game, and inasmuch as I still seem to have a jones for this game, the free games are where I go at the end of my work day.

There was a time that I considered myself a competent poker player. Trips to Vegas paid for themselves. The irony of this is that I got my chops on a free site, Poker Academy, by playing with the best players of that substantial (12,000 members) community.  Yet, since PA was owned by those shitheads at FTP, those days are gone, which in itself has diminished my skill level. Add to that the above-mentioned issue of fundage, and, well, there you have it: grinding out that which one can't eat. No nutrition in that.

Nevertheless, I hold onto some of the lessons learned and apply them: odds to call, hand selection (sometimes), range of opponents, bankroll management, etc., although I have yet to rid myself of the weak tight handicap that comes with scared money. (Yet another irony considering there are not real financial consequences in play money games.)

Readers may recall that a short while back I made mention of moving up a level in the O-8 game. Doing so only when my roll allowed it (PS has a fixed 50/100 game and then it jumps to 200/400), and hearing  that the competition was not necessarily better, I had high hopes. Not so. After a month or so at this level, I have not improved my roll. Oh, I managed to make a little, but over the course of the last two weeks or so, I am back to where I started.

I'm a little frustrated by this lack of performance. And while I can blame chasers and the river as much as I want, I know deep down that I must ultimately look within. The evidence for this comes when I move back down to 50/100, for it takes little for me to double up. Good for the ego, good for the bankroll, and Thumper tends to stay in his cage.

At 200/400 I found myself considering closing out the site, never to return. It just wasn't worth the aggravation. The struggle of coming to terms with my perceived skill level against the "bad run" just made me want to take up tiddly winks. Or, heaven forbid, read a book, but, even though I knew it would be beneficial, not about O-8.

There are signs: all of my poker books are packed away to make room for books on topics pertinent to my writing; I know where the old PA players have since congregated online but I can't seem to muster the wherewithal to carve out an hour or two earlier in the day when I know there will be full tables. Poker is kicking and screaming not to be moved down even further in my priorities. It cries, "Don't you still love me?"

After having my ass handed to me yet again in the higher-level game last night, I dropped down. The game was easy and the players friendly. Humor could be infused into the chat. There was a French woman at the table, a horrible, losing player, yet we exchanged pleasantries in her native tongue, something I hadn't done since my days at PA. I sent her 2000 chips and won it back from her in a few hands. I had no concerns that my roll might take a hit to such a degree that my ego would suffer. For better or worse as far as my game went, I was comfortable, relaxed. I was enjoying myself.

I went to bed with a bit of a smile, but not before giving that woman another 10K to play with.

There will come a time when my financial situation will improve. I know that I will again return to live, cash tables. Yet, to do so, regardless of how severely my skills have been depleted in Donkeyland, I will have to remember to find ways to keep this game fun.