Of the Elusive Draw

I don't know whether or not it's a milestone but last night I cracked 300K in imaginary wealth on Stars. Funny thing, that. You see, I'm not playing all that much, and aside from a round of NLHE in the 8 Game, and PLO when I first started last August (to build a roll) I've stuck with Limit games, and then mostly O8 and 5 Card Draw, and never over 50/100. Easier on Ol' Thumper. And no, I don't pretend to think that I could somehow transfer this play to real live cash play and do as well, nor would I want to, again, for Thumper's sake. Still, when I logged on yesterday, saw that I was less than a 2K double-up to 300, and knowing that a good run would put me there, I experienced a small sense of pride and anticipation. And so, I saw more flops than I normally would. You know the rest. Yet, since I've already stated that I made my goal, you also know that it took me a bit longer than I would have liked.

Which begins to bring me closer to today's topic.

It's not exactly multitasking, for one, I don't do that well. I can listen to music while I play, or read, or paint or nap, but nothing else. No TV. And surfing the Big W while playing only serves to disregard the playing styles of my opponents, so I resist. I segregate activities, and so, if I am playing poker these days, it usually means that I am waiting for paint to dry. Likewise, while I'm painting I need to be present in the moment to decide what kind of mark I make next. (I know it may not always look like it.)

I'm getting there.

I think we all operate under the assumption that we're making the best decisions we can at the moment they are made. Or, if not, then it is in our best interests to take some measure of responsibility for impulse or some other form of incomplete thought processes.  That's how we learn from mistakes, no? But let's say we are working close to capacity or at a level which with we are content for the moment while remaining open to a learning process (There's always room for improvement.), all the while minimizing the distractions. And what if this is still not enough to realize one's goals?

In poker we see this sort of outcome in the form of the cooler. Just ask Mojo with his recent bad run. Sets get cracked too, and sometimes, given our knowledge of probabilities, more often than we think reasonable.

Yep, luck.

We've all heard it: "I'm here to gamble!" at which point we start licking our chops, for we know that the suited gappers that person is willing to call with are just not going to hit often enough to fend off a wild swing. (Yes, spoken like a true grinder.) Still, we also know that we must adapt some of the same style of play to keep our opponents off of our own game, yet we choose to call it a "calculated risk." We fall back on some measure and notion of the concept of skill.

When asked, or given the opportunity to comment, I say that I don't believe in luck, which is silly, because I know it exists. What I really mean to say is that I don't rely on it, even though I have most certainly benefited from it, at least in poker. Still, it is not the source of the majority of my winnings. Now, mind you, one might argue that there is component of luck derived in the shuffle, but even then it is what we do with the deal, draw or flop that determines the potential of the payoff. No, what I am thinking about when I say that I don't believe in luck is not poker; instead, and avoiding the poker lessons that mirror life in general, I am thinking more about my career as an artist, for within that sphere, I have scant evidence.

Still, poker luck sneaks back in, for there is a little yet persistent voice in my head that says, "The deck is stacked against you," which implies, among other things, that the game is rigged or luck lies with the competition, and there is little I can do to change that other than walk away. Well, we know that isn't going to happen.

Let me interrupt myself for a moment with anticipated protestations: I have a show next month and another the following month as well. What luck? The work is appreciated by old friends who have been familiar with my work for fifteen years or more. This is more the way things get done. Anecdotes abound. If luck enters, it will come in the form of the right person walking in and setting other wheels in motion.

And now, some comedic relief:

I stopped into a local gallery yesterday. Very local, meaning the aesthetic of the owner is more regionally influenced than my overall output. Still, she has been friendly and given me an opportunity to participate in a couple of her sponsored events where diverse perspectives are allowable. And like always, we chat for a bit and catch up. When she inquired, I told her about my upcoming exhibits. And then she asked, "How did you get those?" An odd question, or so I thought, and responded accordingly with "I give good head."

Okay, maybe not so funny, for I was not able to detect even a smirk, perhaps because she already had her back turned.

Blow jobs or nepotism: Is there a difference? And again, anecdotes abound.

Ah, the autonomy of alienating behavior!

So, perhaps I resist talk of chance, serendipity, grace and luck more out of chagrin.

Attitude, Boy! Attitude!

Anyway, I'm kicking the shit out of the free tables.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the paint is dry.

Addendum: The rejection emails for teaching positions have picked up in numbers. You might have figured this from the tone above. And quite frankly, there is more to say, particularly on the subject of skill, but I've run out of steam for the moment.